On Boomerangs and Pipe Dreams

They call them ‘boomerang kids,’ the kids who go away to college and afterwards move back in with their parents until they get launched in life. I’m not sure I quite like the term boomerang, because I’m not sure it really describes the situation.

When you launch a boomerang, it comes back to you quickly and looking just the same as when you threw it. But, with boomerang kids, you send off these young, kind of gawky teenagers who are not so sure of themselves and what they want to do in life. What you get back is vastly different – mature young adults with a clear idea of the life they want to lead. At least, that’s what has happened in our case. My daughter and her young man are moving in with us today, bringing a big pile of boxes and a lot of dreams for the future.

Not pipe dreams, though. These kids have solid career plans and a good idea of what they want their future to look like. I think they are both smart and hard working enough that they’ll achieve it. It’s a bit of an uphill climb in today’s economy, but I still believe in the American dream and I definitely believe in these kids and their ability to do what they set out to do. While it may take them longer than it otherwise would, they’ll be successful, I just know it.

Parenting is full of all kinds of advice, much of it from well-meaning strangers. I can’t even say how much advice I’ve had over the years, from good to bad, not to mention downright quirky. One piece of advice that’s always stuck with me was a quote from Jonas Salk:

Good parents give their children roots and wings. Roots to know where home is, wings to fly away and exercise what’s been taught them.

— Jonas Salk

As parents, did we achieve this? I think that we did, because both my daughter and her young man are exceptionally well-grounded. That said, I think a lot of the credit has to go to them. In the end, all a parent can really do is teach what they know and pray a lot. The success or failure of any person’s life really depends not just on what they learn but also on what they do with it.

How will they do? I can’t predict the future but I will say that I believe for them, it will be very bright. I hope the same for all of you and your children.

Endings and Beginnings

Along with spring comes graduation season. Every year we launch our young people into their next phase of life, as we will with my daughter when we celebrate her college graduation on Saturday.

It’s easy in these events to focus on what is ending. After all, no new start in life comes without an ending of some sort, where you say goodbye to the way you used to live and move on into the next phase. As parents, we cry because our little ones have grown up.  But, I think focusing on endings is missing the point.

You see, this is part of what makes parenting both delightful and crazy-making. You bring this little person into the world, only to find out quite quickly that they are not your creation – your image – but in fact, their own. From very early days, they assert their own will, their own wishes, and their own personality, sometimes quite loudly and vociferously. But, in the end, that’s the way it’s meant to be, because as parents we aren’t raising perpetual children, we are raising adults, and hopefully they will be independent, self-assured and happy.

From the very beginning, parenting is a series of small endings and beginnings, as our kids grow and change to become the independent adults that they need to be. Does that always mean it’s easy? Absolutely not. It’s not always fun, either, but on a day like Saturday, no one will be a prouder parent than me to stand there watching my child cross the stage with her hard-earned degree and be amazed at what a lovely woman she has become.

And, she’s earned it. That’s not to say that we haven’t helped her, but this young woman has navigated the paths of financial aid, student loans, and figuring out how to handle her money all on her own.  She’s rented her own apartments and found her own jobs. She’s been truly self-sufficient. I’m sure there were times when it was difficult, but she has persevered and this accomplishment is truly her own.

So, while I can’t take credit for this accomplishment, I’ll be delighted to be there to help her celebrate it, and see her into the next phase of life. I can’t wait to see what she does next because I know it will be fabulous.

You go, girl. I really mean it.